Tuesday, August 15, 2017

I'm not going to lie.  I have been struggling with this post since I got back from the conference.  And that's not to say that I don't have, well, a lot to say about it.  Believe me.  If you know me in my personal life and you've asked about it, I've told you.  And if you haven't asked, I have most likely felt called to share with you something from one of the talks that I have found so helpful and that I hope to pass on.

Here's the thing.  I was hesitant.  My sister invited my mom, sister-in-law and I on this trip and the first reason I said yes was because Austin. aka BBQ and tacos and all that good stuff.  I didn't know anything about Edel and had only just heard of Jennifer Fulwiler through my mom and sister.  I was in for the weekend of what seems to be a lifetime.  Because during the weekend, while I really enjoyed myself for a number of reasons I wasn't aware of the lasting effects it was going to have on my day to day life.

I wanted to post about a breakdown of what/who Edel is and how the conference started a few years ago and the talks in great detail, but my heart couldn't do it.  And that has nothing to do with the amount I got out of it.  That is immeasurable.

Because what I really want to say is that if you are on the fence, if you shy away from maybe talking about your faith in some situations or on your blog (I've been there), if you feel like your faith isn't where you want it to be or is in a "working out" phase (see my faith is getting stronger but lasting progress takes time), you should go.  If you are overwhelmed by a room full of women that seem to all already know each other, if you and your own tribe walk in and try and get each other to go make new friends, if you want to win the shoe contest so badly, you should go.  If you are strong in your faith and want to share it, if you are looking for a group of women in a similar situation as you, if you are 28 and married and don't have multiple children yet, you should go.  If you don't think there will be a single person there that also has a tattoo, or their nose pierced, you should go.

Are you seeing the theme here?  You should go. Let me tell you about how I have been feeling.  As you know if you read almost any of my posts, I suffer from pretty significant anxiety.  And it effects everything from tackling apartment projects to keeping plans I've made with friends.  And I noticed that when I got back from Edel, these things that have seemed so big and have, for no reason other than my anxiety, felt heavy on my head and my heart, seemed a lot smaller.  This past week I accomplished more emotionally, personally, and in the apartment than I have in months.  I have this sense of peace in my heart and in my head that I have not had in such a long time, maybe ever.  And it is worth it's weight in gold.  Christina, over at The Evangelista gave a talk entitled The Waiting is the Cross that not only helped in the overwhelming desire I have to be a mother asap but also helped me realize that I have created an idol out of what a perfect marriage and wife should be.  And even though it will take more than this realization to really help in my desire to be a perfect wife (speaking of, went to a new therapist today!), this has helped me so much.  And in an alternate universe, I wish Christina and I could be the best of friends (because we totally would be). 

I am also really looking forward to learning about my Charisms (which was the focus of another talk), but just really felt that I needed to share this today!  Please read her talk!  Everyone I know could benefit from the read.  And you should also all be at #edel18 if you are a Catholic woman who is looking for her tribe, too!

Austin 2017

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

An overview post of Edel17 is coming to you soon, but I was just way too anxious to wait to get my Austin post up on the blog!  If you didn’t notice from all of my social media spamming, this past weekend I was in Austin with my mom, sisters, and niece at the Edel conference…which I am going to talk about on here later this week!  One of the MANY great parts of the weekend was that on top of wonderful talks, we got to spend a lot of time exploring the city—and it was new to all of us!  Wouldn’t you guess it, we managed to fit in so.much.amazing.food.  (Of course, the quality time was the most important though—except for the queso--)

Anyways!  Here is a little list of the places we went and a photo dump for your viewing pleasure!  I can’t wait to convince Ryan that we need a weekend away there, too! 

We went to Torchy’s Tacos (THE BEST TACOS), walked around South Congress, visited Big Top candy store multiple times (have I mentioned we were only there for 2.5 days?), had BBQ at Cooper’s Old Time, got acai bowls and Blenders and Bowls, had our first ModCloth shopping experience, got crepes at Le Café Crepe, and ate at Guero’s (margs and queso before our flight—crucial).

Let’s note that my trainer knows nothing about this wonderful weekend of tacos and BBQ---or that we then got The Salt Lick and Amys Ice Cream at the airport…

Miraculously, my clothes still fit!  Guys—AUSTIN IS SO MUCH FUN! I need to go back ASAP and after typing all of that up—I am starving!

Tacos, Tequila, Twizzlers. And all other things I wish I was tasting this Tuesday.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Hey guys!

So, here we are.  One day into this new wonderful meal plan (insert crying emoji here).  It was about time that I finally started catching up my nutrition with all of the working out I have been doing for the past few months.  I asked my trainer if he would make me an EXACT meal plan detailing exactly what food and how much I should have of it to reach my desired macros.  Yesterday was day one and the two most important things I took away from it were: thank goodness I negotiated one diet coke every other day (I do regret having it at 8am yesterday though—haha) and that steel cut oats taste like chopped up sticks from the backyard.  But, after 24 hours I was already down a pound so…onwards and…downwards?

This weekend will be slightly difficult though since I will be in Austin at a conference—wish me luck! 

I also started training for a 10K this week that is the first weekend in November!  I honestly would not even recognize myself anymore (lifestyle wise) but, I am so excited.  Thank you for supporting me on this journey to health (and fitting into my favorite dress)!

A Week of Summer in Omaha

Monday, July 24, 2017

This past week, I was able to go home and visit Omaha to see my sister, mom, and niece and nephew.  The cute girls I nanny went on vacation so I got a paid vacation (one of the best job perks—other than all of the toddler snuggles).  Sadly, my dad was out of town for work, but that means the only boy around was my sweet nephew, JM.  So it was girl time the whole time!  I got some amazing quality time with my mom, sister, and sweet niece Clara. 

Just about every summer since college I have gotten to spend at least a week in Omaha and it is always one of my favorite weeks of the year.  It is getting a little more bittersweet now with my puppy and husband at home (especially since this week Murray had a wonderful little (big) poop problem).  While Ryan was cleaning the kennel every night after work, I was busy laughing with the girls, exploring Lincoln, going to my favorite Omaha places to eat, playing with JM, and snuggling with Clara.  I can’t wait for my next trip to see my Isom girls—luckily we are all going to the Edel Gathering in Austin in 2 weeks and this time my SIL gets to join, too!

Session Snippets

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Hey pals!

I keep meaning to post…and I keep putting it to the bottom of my to-do list.  But, finally!  Here we are!  So here is a post about random things and a little life update—my favorite!

Yesterday was the first day of my week and a half paid vacation (whooo)!  The girls I nanny for (Kate and Cole) and their parents are going on a vacation so I got the week off!  I am spending the weekend and Monday at home in Alexandria and will then be in Omaha visiting some of the family and spending a lot of quality time with my mom and sister.  As my parents’ move to New Orleans comes closer (someone please buy their house), I am getting more and more sentimental about Omaha and am so grateful that my parents ended up there during this chapter in their life. 

On a less happy note, R and I recently had to put so much $$$$$ into fixing our car…and of course one week later Murray grabbed my phone off the kitchen counter and chewed it until it was so broken it started randomly calling people, but the touch screen wasn’t working and I couldn’t hang up/do anything.  That was fun to replace ($$). Not. 

Back to the good, I have recently become really good friends with a handful of girls in our apartment building and it is a game changer that I did not realize I needed!  It is so fun and feels a lot like I am back  in college walking down the hall except this time it’s with a glass of wine and not with a cup of Easy Mac in my hand (I wish).

Murray has been growing like a weed since I last posted about him.  He is as stinkery as ever and is just 100% puppy.  I love him immensely but, I don’t always like him (like when he breaks my phone and can’t pay for it)!  He had a little sleepover at the dog walkers last night and one solid night sleep was a total game changer.—Update since I began this post though…he has been awesome this weekend!  Here is hoping it isn’t a fluke. 

And last, but not least!  My favorite boy’s birthday is today!  I would write a novel about how wonderful he is and how much I love him but I don’t need to embarrass him more than I already did when I told the waitress it was his birthday or asked our neighbor to come over and take our picture before we went out to celebrate…SO I will just say Happy Birthday to my favorite person!  I love you!

Happy Fourth!

Saturday, July 1, 2017

I love all holidays and the fourth of July is definitely a top favorite.  I grew up spending the fourth of July in matching Old Navy flag t-shirts with the family, setting off fireworks in the cul-de-sac, and throwing those poppers all over the sidewalk.  As an adult, all I need is a good red lipstick, a great view of fireworks (even if from the comfort of my couch), and my main man by my side. And let’s not forget the #1 necessity, BBQ brisket and an ice cold bud light.

I tried to make this a post without food being brought up…but I just couldn’t do it! 
This year I have my red, white, and blue outfit all ready to go and we get to see the White House fireworks from the roof of Ryan’s office building.  We are also so excited because some of our closest friends ,Hannah and Aubrey, are coming in for a visit for the holiday weekend.  Last year we went to Matchbox for pizza and Rita’s for frozen ice before the fireworks so…if you know how much I love tradition…you know we will be doing the exact same thing this year!  The only thing that’s different is…Ryan will not be studying for the bar exam before and after the fireworks (PRAISE).

How will you be celebrating the holiday with your family?  I love to add to our list of traditions (and so does Ryan, of course)!

Happy Fourth!

anxiety is THE worst

Saturday, June 24, 2017

I’ve thought about writing this post for so long, but always imagine the process to be way too daunting.  However, when I had my most recent panic attack this past week it left me startled enough that I can’t seem to let it go and think this process might be therapeutic.

Over the past year anxiety has become a word thrown around in our home way more often than I ever thought it would.  I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly when anxiety started to be an issue for me…part of it stems from when my mom was fighting her battle with cancer and the other part stems from when R and I experienced the shooting in DC one of the first times I visited him last year.  However, the panic attacks didn’t start until last August.  And although they aren’t frequent, they are not fun--obviously. 

I feel so stupid talking about my anxiety with people because the causes are so obvious and my fears/worries/everything under the sun that causes me to lose sleep seem so silly or easily solvable to people who do not experience anxiety themselves. And the fact that I have my masters in counseling doesn’t help either because I know all of the tools to use to help it.  And while that does make it easier, it doesn’t make it that much easier.  Because when I am in the middle of a panic attack I am not thinking about that. 

A lot of people ask me (aka my mom, my husband, and my psych –laughing crying emoji here—so many people) what I am feeling or thinking during the actual moment?  And this past week I really tried to think it through. 

This week Ryan was still sick from the week before and on Wednesday he was unable to really talk.  I didn’t think anything of it personally (other than about his health and comfort) because in the past my panic attacks have only been affected by whether or not my mom has been able to talk to me.  Apparently (so fun), now it’s more than just my mom.

--You might be thinking right now, “what? That’s weird.  I knew Megan was obsessed with her mom, but come on.”  But, what I’ve figured out through therapy and self-reflection is that this element of my anxiety stems from when my mom was in the hospital in New Jersey and was too exhausted to speak to anyone on the phone.  She was in the middle of fighting cancer and had developed an infection on top of it (if I am remembering correctly—we don’t talk about it too often and I choose to forget a lot of the details).  And I was in Milwaukee panicking about her health and dreaming every night that I was going to her house and trying to get her to talk to me and she refused…luckily my mom made it out of there and kicked cancer’s butt like the bad ass that she is, but anytime something happens that is particularly stressful and if my mom isn’t able to talk it through with me it spikes my anxiety.  And so if then something else happens to raise that anxiety any moreà boom!  Panic attack.—

ANYWAYS (isn’t this fun? If you’re still reading this, kudos to you.  I feel like I owe you a drink or 5).  This past week Ryan couldn’t talk to me and I had a training session with Kevin that I was rushing around to get ready for.  And within the first 5 minutes of being in the gym, he asked me to try a workout he didn’t know if I would be able to do yet (and I couldn’t…at all) and it felt like 20 (when really 4) people showed up to the small apartment gym all at once and just started immediately kicking ass.  And here I was in the corner with my trainer that I have invested a lot of time and money in and I was failing at a workout he expected me to be able to do and everyone was looking at me and Ryan wasn’t talking to me and I was fat and I’ll never lose the weight and----SEE!!!! Read that through at hyper speed (twice) and THAT is what is happening in my brain.  Then I can’t breathe and my breath keeps catching and luckily I was able to recognize what was happening so I was able to briefly excuse myself and go upstairs for…a Xanax and a hug from a freaked out looking husband (another crying laughing emoji here please).

And that is what my panic attacks feel like.  Only typically I am not in an environment that is easy to escape so it gets significantly worse before it gets better.  This was also my first panic attack since I have gotten a Xanax prescription for situational use.

My anxiety is actually getting better and I am becoming much more self-aware.  Ryan also deserves all the gold stars and pats on the back because he did not sign up for this and is such a rockstar.  A couple of weeks ago I had a panic attack in the frozen food section of the grocery store right after work and Ryan came home immediately and took care of everything.  And then sent me flowers the next day. 

So in conclusion, my anxiety sucks (but is slowly getting better), my husband is amazing, and you are now probably mentally exhausted from reading this and should go treat yourself to a glass or bottle of wine.  I will venmo you to cover the cost.

I promise next week I’ll keep it light and fluffy with a pup update!  Have a great weekend and go hug your mom!
site design by designer blogs